Mixed Emotions

Just a little heads up that I'm not going to be blogging for the next week or so. I'm going to Scotland for my friend Elly's wedding! This is a big trip for me, since I'm going to be away from all of my boys for six days. The longest I've been away from the twins is one night, when Mark and I stayed in a hotel in Ottawa and the boys stayed at Gran and Grandpa's - a ten minute drive away.

Perhaps you can imagine the mixed emotions I'm feeling. Obviously I'm very excited to be going back to Scotland, back to St Andrews where I went to university, to see my mum, to see all my friends and honoured that Elle and Tim have asked me to be one of the bridesmaids. I can't wait to wear my Vera Wang bridesmaid's dress and waddle down the aisle in my high heeled shoes! I'm definitely looking forward to our morning at the spa, at walking on the beach, at wandering the streets I loved so much.

But I am so sad at the thought of making my boys cry. I know they're going to be very well looked after by their daddy and lovely Gran, who is coming to stay. But just the thought of them calling for me in the middle of the night and me not being there to give them a hug ties my stomach into knots. I'm pretty sure that its good for them to be away from me and to learn that sometimes mummies have to go away, but that they give the best hugs in the world when they come back. And I'm very much looking forward to the great big smiles I will see when I get picked up at the airport a week from today. I just wish it wouldn't mean tears along the way.

I think all of this is exacerbated by the fact that I'm dreading the flight to London. In the past few years, I've developed a rather ridiculous and totally unfounded fear of flying. Its now to the point where if I see a plane flying overhead, a little shudder runs through me. How ridiculous. Sigh. I know it'll all be fine, and before I know it, I'll be kicking back, enjoying a movie and ignoring the person next to me, but ugh, shudder, ick, gasp and yeeeegh, I'm not looking forward to take off and I just can't seem to get past that feeling of "no no no no no thankyou very much."

The worst part is that I know I've wasted valuable hours of my life worrying about the flight when I could have been doing far more productive things. Like cuddling my babies. Ah well, maybe tomorrow can be a productive, cuddle packed day rather than a worry-wart day.

I promise to take lots of pictures of Scotland and England and maybe if William and Owen are speaking to me when I get back, they'll let me take some "reunited" photos to post as well. Wish me Bon Voyage!