I went to see Amber, Jon and Abigail today - what a cutie Abby is. Two weeks old already! I haven't really seen her with her eyes open yet, she's been napping when I've been over to visit, but there is photographic evidence that she does occasionally peek out at the world.
Of course, a new baby around makes me think even more about whether we will have more kids or not. I think I ask Mark about once a week if he wants another baby- not because I'm desperate to have more, but just because I am so unsure myself that I need some kind of dialogue going to help me figure it out. For the record, Mark usually replies with a question: "Do you want more?"
And I just don't know. I think part of me would love to have another little person in the family, but I can't exactly say why (do we need a reason? Is it selfish to say "because"?). I've seen Owen and Will playing very gently beside a six month old and it was nice to see them in the older child role. Having siblings is a wonderful thing, I think. And that new baby smell...oh, so intoxicating! But I wonder how on earth I would manage with three kids. Both Mark and I come from two children families, so I don't know how it works with three. I know my mum is going to comment here that you just do it, you do what you have to when the time comes, and yeah, I can grasp that. But still...feeding toddlers and a newborn seems daunting. Potty training the boys whilst nursing? And where would everyone sleep? WHEN would we sleep? Could I really go back to middle of the night feeds and spit up? Would we have to buy a new crib? Would I sell my double running stroller and buy a single? How would the boys react to sharing mummy and daddy even more than they already do?
On top of those thoughts, I'm also wondering about a writing career and how and when I should attempt that. Do I have what it takes? Can I actually write something that would earn money? I keep meaning to sit myself down and write a few articles for parenting magazines to see if they'll get accepted, but I never get around to it. Maybe I need to - gasp! - forgo my afternoon naps and actually try to write something.
I don't think I'm explaining my neuroses very well, but welcome to my world. These are the things that I think about at five in the morning when I can't get back to sleep. Well, there you are! I'm already awake in the middle of the night, what's a new baby on top of that?! Because it's that easy, right Amber?
Well whilst I wrestle with these deep thoughts, why don't you enjoy some shots of the boys in their wellies - its the latest fashion accessory, you know.
Of course, a new baby around makes me think even more about whether we will have more kids or not. I think I ask Mark about once a week if he wants another baby- not because I'm desperate to have more, but just because I am so unsure myself that I need some kind of dialogue going to help me figure it out. For the record, Mark usually replies with a question: "Do you want more?"
And I just don't know. I think part of me would love to have another little person in the family, but I can't exactly say why (do we need a reason? Is it selfish to say "because"?). I've seen Owen and Will playing very gently beside a six month old and it was nice to see them in the older child role. Having siblings is a wonderful thing, I think. And that new baby smell...oh, so intoxicating! But I wonder how on earth I would manage with three kids. Both Mark and I come from two children families, so I don't know how it works with three. I know my mum is going to comment here that you just do it, you do what you have to when the time comes, and yeah, I can grasp that. But still...feeding toddlers and a newborn seems daunting. Potty training the boys whilst nursing? And where would everyone sleep? WHEN would we sleep? Could I really go back to middle of the night feeds and spit up? Would we have to buy a new crib? Would I sell my double running stroller and buy a single? How would the boys react to sharing mummy and daddy even more than they already do?
On top of those thoughts, I'm also wondering about a writing career and how and when I should attempt that. Do I have what it takes? Can I actually write something that would earn money? I keep meaning to sit myself down and write a few articles for parenting magazines to see if they'll get accepted, but I never get around to it. Maybe I need to - gasp! - forgo my afternoon naps and actually try to write something.
I don't think I'm explaining my neuroses very well, but welcome to my world. These are the things that I think about at five in the morning when I can't get back to sleep. Well, there you are! I'm already awake in the middle of the night, what's a new baby on top of that?! Because it's that easy, right Amber?
Well whilst I wrestle with these deep thoughts, why don't you enjoy some shots of the boys in their wellies - its the latest fashion accessory, you know.
Wellies are fun!
3 comments:
If you need some encouragement on the writing career, I say... go for it!! I love reading your blog. You definately are a natural writer and have a gifting there.
As far as more babies... Your boys are still pretty young, so you might have more clarity when your boys are a little bit older.
The potty training while nursing... it is a challenge but you figure out ways to make things work. Yes the new baby smell is sweet but the up in the nights... not so much! However, as your mom would say, you just do it and I'm grateful to have another baby around, as there is no sweeter blessing than having children.
My mom says, you know when you're done. Even though I'm overwhelmed now.... I feel in my gut, that I'm not done yet.(: But I hope and plan to take a long break!!
hugs to you all,
Jenna
I keep looking at Abigail thinking "I hope you'll like your adopted siblings....". But maybe two weeks in is too soon to make a determination on this front, yes?
It was SO nice to see you yesterday. It made the day seem so doable -- felt better than I have in, well, two weeks. Please keep your visits coming! And soon, I'll lend you little Abby as a test run on the new baby theory :)
A.
Hi Pascalina
You know I'm not a comment person BUT......
I can tell that you are not done yet...if you are asking yourself do I don't I your not done. What's one more when you already have twins...may seem easier this time since you will HOPEFULLY only have one to handle along with 2 adorable growing boys! As a mother you will find ways to make it all work. Keep my dream in mind! I see it so clearly!
Love
Dee
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