Parenting Olympics

Today at lunch I decided that we need to create a new type of sporting event called The Parenting Olympics. Parents from around the world could compete for medals (or quality time alone at a spa of their choice) in a variety of physically, mentally and some other -ally challenging competitions involving child rearing. Here are just a few of the different events you could compete in:

The Fridge Toss
This is a time sensitive event which combines extreme mental agility with strong verbal skills. With a minimum of two grumpy, whiny children hanging off their pantlegs, parents have five minutes to open a fridge, realise they've put off doing the grocery shopping yet again, take out a jar of marmalade, an egg, a heel of cheddar that has come out of its wrapping and gone hard, some wilted mint leaves and a tub of sour cream that may very well be past its best before date and create lunch for the kids. The winner will be the parent who completes the task in the alloted time and who convinces their children to eat at least two and a half bites from their plate.

The Ten Minute Dash
To win this event, an athlete must possess both incredible speed and strong organizational skills. Each parent will be given a minimum of two children between the ages of three and six years of age as well as an infant under four months of age. The goal is to get the older children to school before the bell rings. As the gun goes off at the starting line, the parent must quickly assess which of the children still need to change their diapers/use the potty, whether its Show and Tell day, find the blue sweater with the zipper because he has a zipper and I want one toooooo, nurse the infant so it doesn't scream its head off in the car, slather sunscreen on exposed body parts, remove choking hazard from infant's car seat, strap everyone into the minivan and reverse out of the driveway without knocking over the garbage cans. Additional points can be earned for each family member with brushed teeth, shoes on the correct feet and breakfast crumbs brushed off.

The Poopathlon
Each competitor will receive an infant who has had a poop explosion in their onesie. The aim of this event is to change the child into a clean diaper without getting any of the diaper contents onto themselves or the child's new outfit. Participating athletes will encounter the following obstacles: wriggly, uncooperative infant, with at least three flailing limbs, no wipes left in the container and the nearest refill situated across the room, as well as various distractions from other children ("Mom! Timmy's in daddy's workshop. I thought you said we couldn't touch his power tools", "Dad, can I eat this entire bag of cookies? Why not? Why not?! I've already opened it", "Mama, my bum is poopy too. Can you change me. Oh, but I took my diaper off already on your bed. Is that okay?").

The Marathon
An extreme physical and mental challenge. Participants must successfully complete a series of tasks, including working their day job, driving children to extra-curricular activities, making meals, laundry, socializing with friends, assisting with homework, etc, whilst getting less than five non-consecutive hours of sleep a night due to a nursing newborn, demands for more water from toddlers and/or teenagers ignoring curfew.

I think I'm really on to something here. What would be your event?