The Joy In Each Day

Wowza. Three kids is hard work. I'm not sure we thought this one through very clearly. Surprising, since Mark is such a realist and I'm usually enough of a control freak to plan ahead. But I don't think I was planning on it being quite this nuts. Oh sure, I knew the boys would have to go through an adjustment period, and that newborns mean less sleep. But, wowza, three kids is hard work.

Because Elly was born at nearly 11pm and you have to stay in hospital for 24 hours before being discharged, we decided I would stay overnight again rather than going home in the middle of the night. I got a little panicky at three in the morning on my second night in the hospital, as Elly taught me what "cluster feeding" is (basically eating non-stop for an extended period of time). I was so tired after nearly 6 hours of constantly feeding her and no sleep, that I began to wonder how on earth I was going to cope back home on this kind of schedule. But just as the hyperventalating was threatening to start, I channeled my mother and told myself to snap out of it. I decided that in order to survive the next few months of newbornhood and toddlerhood, I was going to have to focus on the joy in each day. It didn't matter if it was just one small thing or something huge, just try to find something that made me smile or laugh or glow at some point in the day.

Since then, we've had days when if you'd asked me what my moment of joy was, I would have said a nasty word and quite possibly bopped you on the head with some size 1 diapers. Its hard to find something pleasant to reflect upon when you're ready to kill your three year olds for various misdemeanors or you just long to lie down and sleep or the laundry is threatening to take over the house. Its gotten to the point where I've told myself my new measuring stick should be to ask myself "Is everyone still alive?" and if the answer is yes, then I know its been a good day.

However, we've also had some really truly wonderful moments, where I've been close to tears with love and gratitude for this family of ours. I've seen Owen and Will playing so nicely with each other, making each other giggle as they shared a toy, seen their gorgeous dimples as they cackled on their bikes in the sunshine and I've thought, "yes, I can do this, we will be alright, we will survive." I've looked down at Elly in my arms and felt so peaceful and so overwhelmed with love for our third child . There's been a lot of joy. My next goal is to find out how to distill those feelings into a drug that I can inject directly into my arm on the not so joyful days...Anyone know a good chemist?